If Not for You
by Kristen Elizabeth
Summary: Without your love, I'd be nowhere at all. GSR, Spoilers through Living Doll


Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me. 

Author Notes: This one is dedicated to csifan2005, as thanks for the incredible banners she created for my website. Thank you, sweetie;) I also want to thank PhDelicious for her beta-ness. And if you're reading this, thank you for stopping by! I hope you enjoy the story.

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If Not For You

by Kristen Elizabeth

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It started like it always did, with a look. Their eyes met over the layout table, and home seemed hours away.

Even now, they only allowed themselves to touch occasionally while in the presence of the others. His fingers brushed over hers. Her elbow met his side. Brief seconds of contact which were sometimes even more delicious than the main course.

He stole a kiss in the locker room, stepping away when they heard voices in the hallway. Old habits were hard to break. She smiled patiently. After everything that had happened, she could wait a little while longer for him.

It was his turn to the pick the radio station in the car that night. Bob Dylan. His seduction music. As if she needed to be tricked into his bed.

_Without your love, I'd be nowhere at all _

_I'd be lost if not for you _

_And you know it's true._

At home, they let the dog out into the backyard. He opened a bottle of wine, but it was just a formality. She didn't even give him time to pour the first glass before she grabbed him, molded her body to his, and showed him exactly what she wanted.

They left their clothes where they fell all the way to the bedroom. She had on more layers than he did; she was always cold. Even in bed, with his body spooned around hers, she sometimes couldn't stop shivering.

The desire to savor each moment quickly gave way to the pervasive need to be joined. She'd been ready for hours; it didn't take him long to catch up.

She moaned his name when he was finally buried inside her.

"I'm here, honey," he breathed into her ear. "Tell me…what you want."

"You," she whispered. "Always."

They moved together, their bodies crashing against each other like waves onto the sand. Skin slick with sweat, they glided against each other. But something was holding him back. She could feel it in the way he held her like a precious piece of china.

Her fingers dug into his hips. "More," she demanded. Her teeth caught his earlobe and tugged. "Harder!"

He blinked, surprised by her insistence that he be rough. But the look in her eyes told him that she needed more than gentle lovemaking.

She groaned in disappointment when he pulled out. He clamped his hand over her mouth, replacing his fingers with his mouth a second later. "Shh," he told her between hot, wet kisses.

Her body was light; it didn't take much to roll her onto her stomach. Startled by the sudden repositioning, she rose up on her elbows and tried to look back at him, but he held her down. His hand slid up the back of her leg and dipped between her thighs from behind. Her eyelashes fluttered madly and her muscles slackened.

He angled her lower body upwards, and slammed back into her with a grunt of satisfaction. His arms corded with the effort it took to hold himself up over her. The feeling of taking her like this was so consuming that he didn't realize that his muscle control had begun to weaken. Before he knew it, his whole weight was on top of her, pinning her to the mattress.

"No," she whispered. But the soft plea didn't penetrate the haze around his senses. "Gil…I can't…I can't move." He thrust again, and then again, unaware of anything but her tight heat.

Her fists pounded the sheets; she struggled beneath him, her hand reaching for something, but finding nothing. "Please…it's too much…too heavy…"

His haze was beginning to dissipate. But it was only when she screamed "Get off of me!!" that he finally realized what was happening.

He moved off her, horrified at his actions. "Honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" She sat up, heaving for each breath, tears running down her cheeks. He reached for her, but she instinctively drew back.

"I couldn't breathe," she cried.

Cursing himself, his shoulders slumped over. "I'm so sorry, Sara...honey, please."

"It was so heavy…on top of me…I couldn't move. Couldn't get out." Her dark hair swung across her upper back as she shook her head. "I tried. I tried…but I couldn't! I was stuck…and it was just so heavy…" She began to shiver, her slender frame shaking with a chill only she could feel. She hugged her arms around her chest.

"Sara..." He didn't let her push him away this time; he pulled her into the warmth of his embrace. "Oh honey…"

But she was still under the car, trapped between metal and earth, cold and scared.

He held her for long time, stroking her hair, whispering soft words of reassurance. "You're safe now…I've got you. I won't ever make you go back there again."

Eventually, she went still in his arms. When she was ready, she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him. "I'm sorry, Gil," she said softly.

"No." He cupped her face in his hands. "You didn't do anything wrong. Then or now."

Fresh tears flooded her eyes. "You shouldn't have to put up with someone who's broken."

"You're not broken, Sara." His hands slipped down her to her shoulders. "She didn't break you."

"Almost," she reminded him. A minute passed before she could speak again. "I was going to give up. Just before you got there…I decided I was ready to let go." She took a breath. "I stopped thinking about my life and all the things I hadn't done yet…I stopped thinking about you…and I just wanted it to be over."

He ran his palms up and down her arms, warming her, but also reassuring himself that she wasn't an illusion. That he really had pulled her out from under that car. "I'm so glad you didn't. You have no idea…" His chin touched his chest. "My life would've been over, too."

She snaked her arms around his neck, molding herself against him. "I want to be normal again. I pretend that I am…but then something like this happens…and I know I'm not."

"Whatever it takes, Sara. I'll do whatever I can. Counseling, therapy…" He swallowed heavily. "…time apart. If you need it, I'll make sure you get it."

"I can't do it alone." Her trembling fingers stroked the back of his neck. "I need you, Gil. Or I'll never be whole again."

He turned his face into her neck, breathing her clean, sweet scent. "I know exactly what you mean."

They never picked up where they'd left off. Instead, they fell asleep in each other's arms. And for the first night in a long time, Sara wasn't cold.

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Fin 


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